100 Words--A Writing Project

Red Cloak reads three selections from 100 Words --A Writing Project

this is an audio post - click to play

The selections are printed below (in the order in which they were read) because this cold lingers and the presentation is a little rough. Please click the member's name for the full month of entries.

Posted by threebee

April 6, 2005
It occurs to me that no one really
knows me. I suppose that's true of everyone-- there's only so much of ourselves
that can be conveyed to another.

Does everyone feel this loneliness? I
won't call it desperate; it's simply hopeless.

I don't aspire to hope
that anyone will ever 'get me' -- facets of me, perhaps, but not much more.

To you, I am only the simulation that resides in your head; however, I
can't be angry because that's all you are to me.

I pretend that you
won't reject me if you understand me. I want to feel safe.

April 7, 2005
No words want to come this
evening. I'm so tired, and not at all myself. Things are askew lately, and I
don't have the energy nor the wherewithal to set them sraight. So I sit in it,
feeling more numb than I'd like to admit. I know better; you have to feel deeply
or not at all.

I kind of feel like I'm on the edge of self-destructing,
but I can't because there are two beautiful boys asleep in the other room who
need their mommy. I can't because there are too many things I still want to do

April 5, 2005
One of my biggest faults is
getting overwhelmed too easily. I take on too many tasks (always a yes-girl from
day one) and then start to crumble under the weight of it all. The walls start
closing in; I feel panicky, short of breath, anxious, angry, avoidant and
incompetent. It's not a happy place to reside. After seeing this same pattern
again and again, you'd think I'd stop doing this to myself. That, or just skip
straight ahead to the "whew, I'm done" stage and bypass the trauma of the
inevitible panic attack. I always finish in the end. Always.

Until tomorrow...Happy Reading.


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